Hello Friends,

Yes another cheap and pointless Xmas update email.

Can it be 12 months since we last sat down and wrote? YES it’s in the diary every year for heaven’s sake!

Well what a strange year; Betty is now 47 and Frank died in a hideous boating accident in Holland. It’s not easy getting a waterlogged body through customs at Heathrow.

Julie was shot dead at point blank range and we had to buy a new fridge freezer in August … After the terrible news of losing the freezer we felt we should take a break … The long shop museum in Leiston is not what we expected as Betty would have preferred somewhere in the sun. But they have a lovely offer on tea towels and the loo is to die for.

I decided to leave the bank this year after 39 years, things have changed and banking is more a case of begging than screwing the customers as we recall in our yonder years. 39 years and £25 worth of M&S vouchers … great! I had a port and sherry with Bill and got a cab home.

The grandchildren had nits in September and Janice has IBS on her mind. No word from the Police about the shoplifting charge for Barry and we just pray the scumbag gets sent down.

One low point was the Autumn Fayre in Woodbridge opened by some ponce from the Radio called Nicola Randolphi – a very odd affair with squint but we did manage to pick up some pickled onions from Rev Paul Pitt.
 
Anyway we have social services calling to check out the rash in the back bedroom and I have barely cleaned up after the police visit, looking into Julie’s mishap.

I must fly as we have to iron the cat and feed the washing.

Merry Xmas. Please no presents this year. We are only supporting a Panda in Botswana … £15 a month and a signed picture.

Loves x

Nick Pandolfi, weekdays 1-4 “The heart of Suffolk – SGR FM”

Tags: Xmas+letter, Humour, Round+robin